and thanks for coming out...

It's been fun folks.

The story continues over at

bmiller.wordpress.com...

I think it might be moving day

Well, those astute readers of the blog (which I'm sure is all of you,) may have noticed a conundrum that I am presently faced with. You see, this blog is titled "beninrio." Ben in Rio. However, I am no longer in Rio. I think you might see my dillema.

What to do about this?

Also, I have come to the realization that I am no longer special. Let me clarify - I started this blog several years ago as a way to express what I was seeing - a lens into a culture and city not my own, my wrestling with the questions of poverty, of violence, of how God fit into all that. I began to write as a way to update friends with a little more regularity, provide a day-to-day slice of life type experience, and finally to have a place to share with you stories of my adventures and the ridiculous things that seem to happen to me on them (I don't know why...)

Now I'm back in the US in a culture that, if not my own, at least gives the appearance of being mine. My life is much less different, and much less dramatic. At the same time, my outlets for processing are greater - friends to talk to on the phone, family close by, slowly getting plugged in here where I'm living... So where does this leave us?

I like writing. I like sharing what's on my mind. And I appreciate that I have a few people who seem to get some joy out of my fumblings on the keyboard. So I will keep at it. I don't know what it will look like. In all likelihood, it will simply be what's on my mind - books I've been reading, interesting things I've found out, adventures and stories, things I've found that make me laugh, make me think, or make me cry, explorations of theology and life and how we all fit into the grand scheme of things... you know, the usual. =) Basically, it's just me. And while my setting is a little less "exotic" than before, I think there is value and beauty in this for me.

So, without further ado, allow me to introduce you to "the new blog..." (right now, it's called "only human..." but that might change in the future.) So update your bookmarks, your links, your RSS feeds, and stop on by to check it out... see you soon...

Awesome thing of the day...

A home-made helicopter built by Wu Zhongyuan, a farmer from Henan province in China...

Via "The Big Picture..."

Once again

Once again it's been a while since I've shown up here. And if I'm going to be honest with myself, and with ya'll, it's for a variety of reasons - so here's what they are, and what's up with me right about now...

1 - Things have slowly been getting busier here in my neck of the woods - starting to settle in, to begin to make some connections and beginning friendships, to get a picture of what this next year might look like... It's been good to settle in a bit, even if there's not exactly a schedule yet.

2 - I have a job (of sorts) doing medical interpreting in Spanish, which is kind of fun, a little bit hard, and also intimidating. Many of the words I have discovered that I don't (or didn't) know in Spanish include: bruise, heartburn, catheter, bladder, CAT scan, tingling, disclosure, and many others. And then when you add to the fact that I want to throw Portuguese in there half the time, it makes for a stressful time.

3 - I'm still praying over what this next year will look like - ways to get involved in the community, in my church, with the poor. I don't know yet, but am hopeful.

4 - My self-imposed hermitage is nearly over - the past few weeks I've been able to see a few good, close friends, and plan out several other visits. I finally have enough energy where it is exciting and I'm looking forward to spending time with many of those that I love, rather than simply seeing it as an exhausting, draining time. I've found life in those visits, and am grateful for them.

5 - LSAT studying is coming along. Trying to make a daily habit of it. I'm registered to take the test in less than two months, so there's a bit of pressure in that. But I think it should turn out OK.

6 - These past few months have been a catalyst for me to start taking better care of myself - getting enough rest, not overcommitting to things, eating right (or at least better), getting some regular exercise (I'm up to about 10-12 miles a week now! a record for me!), and learning to live sustainably and take care of myself. You'd think I'd have a bit better handle on it by now, but no...

7 - Finally, there's the tension that I've been struggling with each and every day - "How do I live my life in the here and now, being fully present where I'm at, while at the same time remembering and honoring those who I love who are not present - namely, my community in Brazil (and worldwide), the youth on the street, the children in the favela programs, neighbors and friends and aquaintances galore?"

I'm a very "out of sight, out of mind" type of person, and I don't want to be in this instance. How do I live my life here in America in a way that honors and respects the global poor? How do I live a life that invites in those who are on the margins and at the periphery of society and my world here where I live now? How do I continue to reinforce the lessons I learned, but forget so easily? How do I love my neighbor and my God in this society that can be so comfortable, seductive, and shiny?

I've been wrestling with that. Any thoughts? Advice? Helpful comments? Constructive criticism? Bad jokes or puns?

I'm searching out opportunities here in Rockford to be involved - looking for ways to reach out to the marginalized, the orphan, the widow, the alien, the stranger, and entering into their communities and allowing them to enter into mine. Exploring how I can be a part of expanding the vision of what is possible here, and of what could happen in the future if we only dreamed big enough and had a little faith and hope...

Tonight I chatted with one of our Brazilian coworkers, and it felt so right to be thinking of, praying for, laughing with, and smiling about the stories, the victories, the good and the bad. She said "You are missed here by so many..."

And then she told this story - shortly after Michael Jackson died, one of our volunteers was helping out at the afterschool program in the favela we partnered with. She spoke with G, 7 years old, and asked him what his thoughts were on Michael's death. G replied, "I miss him a lot. But I miss Tio Benjamin more..."

I miss you too, G. I miss you too.

Saudades...

a camping adventure/fiasco

So I'm really not sure which of the above will be true - adventure, or fiasco?

I'm heading out in about 15 minutes for a camping/rafting trip in Wisconsin with a group of folk...

Here's some of the factors that could go either way:

- my sleeping bag was left in Brazil - so instead of a sleeping bag, I have half of a foam egshell mattress thingie, a sheet, and a blanket.

- the tent that I am using was last assembled several years ago... in Peru. I didn't test it to see if all the pieces were there or not. It really will be a fun surprise when I get there and find out!

- rafting? in Wisconsin? hmm...

We shall see. I gotta run. Adventures and pics forthcoming...

"I'm not dead yet... I'm getting better..."

"Don't worry, he'll be dead in the morning..."

For some reason, I haven't been getting blog comments emailed to my account... I'm not sure what the deal is, but in answer to Josh's remark about my "absence," I have nothing. Nothing exciting, that is.

I've been writing, but it's been for me - and while it is freeing to not have to censor myself, to watch what I say or how I say it, to express it all, there might be some nuggets I can pry out of the muck and pass on...

So I've been told that (THEY say) that if I link to this site I can win a free bike... So I'm doing it... Click through and help me win an amazing bike, to drive around while I'm going to law school - help me be carless... =)

Laugh-out-loud...

Two things made me laugh today (well, probably more than that...) But these two...

The first is called "There, I fixed it..." a perfect storm of ingenuity, do-it-yourselfness, and an occasional cavalier disregard for things like basic laws of physics. You will find things like this "Spare Tire" there.

My absolute favorite is the "Alarm will sound... Really?"

The second is blog of a friend's sister - it chronicles, in her own words, "the joys of working at an online home school." Possibly it's a means to maintain her sanity, but it's funny, and her comments are pitch-perfect.

You're welcome for sharing...

The Call of the Rain...

"Water is always an invitation to imersion [for me], an immersion with a quality of totality, since it would accept all of me, as I am. Some primal urge invites me to return whence I came.

At times I have done so. There is some special delight in simply walking into a stream, stepping into a lake. The child's delight in a puddle is my adult's in the sea...

No rain falls that I do not at once hear in the sound of the falling water an invitation to come to the wedding. It is rare that I do not answer. A walk in an evening rain in any setting is to walk in the midst of God's loving attention to his earth, and, like a baptism, is no simple washing, but a communication of life. When you hurry in out of the rain, I hurry out into it, for it is a sign that all is well, that God loves, that good is to follow. If suffering a doubt, I find myself looking to rain as a good omen. And in rain, I always hear singing, wordless chant rising and falling.

When rain turns to ice and snow I declare a holiday. I could as easily resist as stay at a desk with a parade going by in the street below. I cannot hide the delight that then possesses my heart. Only God could have surprised rain with such a change of dress as ice and snow...

Most people love rain, water. Snow charms all young hearts. Only when you get older and bones begin to feel dampness, when snow becomes a traffic problem and a burden in the driveway, when wet means dirt - then the poetry takes flight and God's love play is not noted.

But I am still a child and have no desire to take on the ways of death. I shall continue to heed water's invitation, the call of the rain. We are in love and lovers are a little mad."

~ Matthew Kelty, Flute Solo,

Reflections of a Trappist Hermit, pp. 117-19

-----

Last week, I woke to thunder and lightning. As I sat at the table and watched the rain gush in sheets down the big picture window, I was reminded of the above quote. I came across it several years ago in Don Poestma's wonderful book, Space for God, and since then it has been a reminder for me of the joy of water, of life, of finding God in all things.

That afternoon as the sky darkened, my brother and I prepared for a short bike ride - cooling off on a ride to the house we lived in ten years ago, just a couple of miles away. As we were pulling the bikes out of the garage, it started to sprinkle just a bit. I glanced at Jon with a wondering look, and he grinned back - of course he was still up for it.

So off we went... Something about bike riding makes me feel like a kid again - the jumping off the curb, swerving and skidding around corners, riding with no hands and standing up, speed and grace... the entire way there, it was gently sprinkling - a cooling, calming rain. When we arrived, we spent a while in the church parking lot across the street from our old house, trying to drift around the corners on our bikes, taking advantage of the slick asphalt as we skidded around corners in our makeshift racetrack.... so much fun (until Jon tried to take a corner just a little too fast, and wiped out - and even though there was no harm done, that ended that specific game.)

As we turned around and began to make our way home, the heavens opened - thunder, lightning, howling wind, driving rain... I could barely see as we crossed rivers and streams that had formed on the streets near our home. Yet as we rode, the above reflection resounded in my mind, and my heart, and joy and laughter exploded and overflowed from my heart. And in the midst of that overflow, there was gratitude... I am so blessed, and that is for a purpose, a reason beyond myself... may that life continue to spill over into all around...